Relationships are an
essential part of life. From the day your are born and throughout life, you
form relationships with your family, friends, and significant others. It is
important to maintain healthy relationships through open communication and
respect for the other person.
In a healthy love
relationship, each partner enjoys both safety and passion. Shared values,
goals, and lifestyle preferences are the core of the relationship. Sharing
these things creates a sense of mutual respect. Trust and security are also
keys to a healthy relationship.
How to Begin a Healthy Relationship:
The first step in
initiating a relationship is to find out what you want from the relationship.
Love, happiness, respect, commitment, and fulfillment may all be possibilities
of what you need and want from a relationship.
·
Know what you want.
·
Use effective communication skills.
·
Be aware of how unresolved childhood and
family issues can affect your role in a relationship.
·
Work through conflict; do not become
discouraged by it.
·
Make agreements about your relationship.
You should agree to:
·
Be honest with one another.
·
Discuss your feelings openly; do not
hide them.
·
Talk openly about sex if it becomes an
issue.
·
Confront any issues that are bothering
you right away.
·
You should also make agreements on any
other issues that you feel are important.
Vital Components for Maintaining a Healthy Relationship:
·
Communication. Honest communication is
the foundation of a healthy relationship. Communication involves sharing your
thoughts, opinions, and emotions honestly and openly with your partner.
·
Expectations. You expect certain things
of your partner; in turn your partner has certain expectations of you. The key
to expectations is making them realistic. When expectations are realistic, they
are more likely to be met leaving both partners satisfied and happy.
·
Gratification. There are two types of
gratification--physical (safety, sensual, and sexual) and emotional (love,
caring, and affection). In a healthy relationship, both partners are honest
about what their needs are, and both partners are willing and able to meet the
other partner's needs on a long-term basis.
·
Influence. Influence deals with who
leads and is in control. Healthy relationships thrive on each partner's ability
to work together and compromise when conflicts arise. Neither partner feels the
need to dominate; instead, each person supports the other's strengths and knows
that the conflict will be resolved to meet the needs of both people.
·
Trust. Rational trust is supported by
the fact that your partner is trustworthy and you feel confident and safe with
his or her honesty, character, ability, and strength. To develop this trust you
must communicate openly about who you are and what is important to you. As the
relationship progresses so should the trust between you and your partner.
·
Boundaries and Sociability. Each partner
has a need to be autonomous and keep a sense of self otherwise he or she will
become consumed by the relationship. Boundaries establish where one person
begins and the other person ends. Me, you, and us need to be defined as
separate entities. This also holds true for the social aspect of building
relationships and making friends. There need to be boundaries for your friends,
my friends, and our friends, to create a balanced social network.
Stages of a Relationship
Every relationship goes
through an endless cycle of stages that either strengthen or end the
relationship.
·
Attraction. You are attracted to a
person for some reason and want to know more about them.
·
The "first date." This stage
involves asking that person to a movie, out for coffee, or a lunch date. This
step takes the most courage and can be the most rewarding.
·
The "testing" stage. During
this stage the two of you will spend a lot of time together and begin
disclosing more personal information about yourselves to each other. This stage
is a test because it determines whether you progress to the next level, decide
to remain friends, or end the relationship completely.
·
Conflict. Conflict is a constant part of
life and it is also a major part of relationships. Conflict is another test of
the relationship. It can end in one of two ways.
·
If the two of you overcome the conflict,
it strengthens the relationship and brings you closer together. You now realize
that you can work through tough times and you become more trusting of the other
person. Or.
·
The conflict does not get resolved, and
the relationship reaches a plateau or ends completely.
This cycle is valid for
every relationship whether it is with a friend, family member, teacher, or love
interest. Each stage is repeated and the relationship is continually tested. If
a positive outcome is reached, the relationship is continually strengthened by
each conflict.
A relationship should
leave you and your partner with feelings of contentment, self-worth, and
fulfillment. If this is not the case, you and your partner should seek help
through counseling or therapy in order to sort through the conflicts before
they become irreparable.
A healthy relationship
requires constant work and nurturing. Like a plant, if it is not constantly
looked after, it will die. Relationships take time, energy, and effort, but in
the end the benefits of a successful relationship outweighs the costs.
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